confession of what's on my mind

Hi all. I need to write because I have a lot on my mind. Yesterday, my longtime friend got married. Good for her. It seems that everytime I turn around, someone else is getting married or something. Then, this guy, an old friend from a long time ago (ok, like 2 or 3 years) is back in my regular life. He's younger than I am, and honestly, I could never actually like him in any way other than a friend. However, I am lonely, and having him around as a temporary bf would work. Just someone to chill with, not to like sleep with, you know? But Kamran is perfect. (for a temp I mean.,)
I thought I would be nearly engaged by now, but I swear, certain heads wanna play games. They say if Allah wills it, it will happen, but you're not supposed to just sit around waiting, you should be proactive. I see certain people are not, which means they are against me, which means they should soon be cut off. I wonder if they will be dragging their feet when it comes to their own child getting married. I bet they wont. Now will they look at a tiny miniscule pool of people when it comes to their precious babies. So why should I have to settle? Hell, I don't. I can so what I want. I can find a man on my own, why should I wait? I'm damn near 30 and have never been formally engaged. Sure, there was Tyler, but that was when I was young and dumb. I have never even met him. I need someone real that I can meet and fall in love with. Someone who will be right for me, love me for me, and protect me. Is that too much to ask? After all, I am a nice girl, right? I don't smoke, don't drink, don't party a lot, I may hang out with wild chicks, but I am rather tame. I hate loud noises. I am a fat pig, a whale of sorts, but shouldn't a man love you for the person inside, for your soul? I am not THAT disgusting. This is insane. Why can't I ever find love? what's preventing me from being happy? I see fatter girls than me with decent looking guys but males don't pay attention to me. What is it? Do I have the same magnetic pole as guys do? has a rumor gone around that I am a loser? why don't guys like me? It's so weird. I need to go now.
Until I confess some more.

Confession that my coworker is a BITCH

Hi all. Again, sorry for not writing. Been busy. I got approved for my leave of absence, so The end of this month is my last day of work until December. I am so happy. ON to the news though.
This chick at work seriously wanted me to beat her down. She thinks her opinions are right and anyone who rejects them are stupid. She's a racist, constantly telling me I'm not like "normal Black people" and she thinks just because I am Black, I am so much better because I have a job, im in college and I have no kids. She keeps talking about how her daughter is marrying a guy whose parents have money, and I swear, EVERYTHING she says no matter what the topic, she had to bring up the fact that she is a Jew. I mean, I don't really mind jewish people, but she keeps mentioning how "Muslims kill the Jews for no reason." Never mind the fact that the Arabs there who are not Muslim also do not like them. Then, today, I was saying how I need to go places where young Muslims are, so I could socialize. How about the Bitch said "Oh, like a Jail?" OOOOh, she wanted to DIE at that moment. I had to take a breath and count to 20, I can't risk my job because of her, but really, nobody can stand her. She is gonna get cussed the fuck out, and I can't wait, fucking bitch. Im gettin mad all over again. I must go lie down.
Just had to update yall.
Until I confess some more...