Disgusted confession

Greeting peoples. I am so mad right now. Everytime I try and do something potentially good, things blow up in my face. this is why I never did anything. I am so mad.
See, I have been involved in this group- three trees for about 6 months. I finally decide to get the Jersey chapter up and running and it seemed to start off well. I has people interested and whatnot. Well, today was supposed to be the first official meeting but everyone cancelled. I am so hurt and disgusted. And to think, I stayed up all night worrying myself sick. Oh well
In other news, I think I am in love with Kamran. Yes, I said it. I can finally admit it to myself, but not to him. That would totally ruin our amazing friendship. Still, he is everything I ever wanted, only I never realized it. We can talk for hours and it doesn't get weird. he sings to me, and listens to my problems. I can tell from his eyes that he actually cares about me, even if it is a only a friend. I have never felt accepted from a guy before. not like this. I can call him when I have a problem and he answers it for me. but alas, he isn't interested in me. in fact, on a daily basis he tells me he is like my brother and me and him together is gross. I play it off like I too think its icky, but t kinda hurts. Yesterday, I asked his favorite song (its some r kelly song I never heard of) When I told him mine was Always and forever, he started singing it to me. It was hella sweet, but like a 12 year old, I said eww and that was gross. That wasn't the first time he sang to me. every once in awhile, he's sing something. It's the sweetest thing. I sometimes like to think of him as my boyfriend, but i know he isn't. *sigh*
Well, I am going back to bed,
Until I confess some more...