Okay, so I did some things I never did before. I went and got my aunt, all by myself, and totally screwed up, I tried asking though, so I am not totally at fault. See, she needs to be signed out and nobody told me, so I left and didnt get her meds, but then, she said they didn't have them. Anyway, then I made a phone call, which I am SO not used to doing. I hope tomorrow goes as planned, shoot, I need a vacation, a break, SOMETHING. My mom and sisters, as well as my 3 cousins all went to South Carolina, where am I? Home, I had to work. Then, today at work, my one co worker was out, she went to AC, then the other one who I talk to was out, apparently, he is sick. He sounded like he was though, kinda. My friend is coming tomorrow, and inshaAllah, we are going gold shopping (or in my case, gold gawking cause we all know a sista is broke)

Is this really the end?

Hello again. I'm blogging, so I must be depressed again. Indeed I am. I had a plan. Get married by the time I am 30. I've got less than 5 months left and there is nobody on the fucking horizon. Meanwhile, all these kids are meeting people and getting married. Last straw? My fucking sisters are gonna blow off a trip with me to go to their friend's wedding. Cunts. My douchebag dad is supposed to be looking, but he's too busy acting like a showtimer. Fuck him. Know what? I don't care about life anymore. I'm so over it. I never was happy so why bother going on?

Ugh, really?

The Purple Alien is back. I think so anyway. I have neglected this blog. Mainly because I thought I grew up. But the thing is, I am SO depressed. I am 30 years old. Well, 29, but I'll be 30 before you know it. I am single and everyone who goes to the masjid with me is married with kids. If I have to hear about them talking about giving birth one more time, I am gonna scream. We get it, childbirth is scary. But before I can think about that shit, I need to get married. That is looking like it's never gonna happen. It sucks, and I feel like I wanna just lock myself in a room alone. There is nothing keeping me here. Men don't like me, I'm not into women. Fuck life. Fuck it all.
Gonna go cry not.

Year-end 2008 confession

Hey yall! It's that time of year again, where I review the past year. OK, I know I didn't do it last year, but whateva. Without further ado, I shall start.
This year was weird. I don't know if it is an up or a down year. I mean, Let me break it down.
January- I went to a party and got into a HUGE fight with Abby. Not a good thing. We didn't talk for nearly 3 months. But I got to do mew things and meet new people. I don't know.
February- I managed to get to the second date, lol but I knew it wouldn't last. He is awesome, but Jamie and I are on different plains. Still not talking to Abby tho.
March- I managed to get on the board of Seven Shades, and I attended the first retreat. It was awesome and I made amazing friends. But on the way, I got a freaking Speeding ticket. Not liking that.
April- Fianlly started talking to Abby again. This was the last month I worked at Target too.
May- Graduation. I didn't fall! But it got moved inside because of the rain. I graduated yall! Afterwards, I quit Target. Abby moved to Tunisia, so I called her, even though Kamran and I started getting close. Was unsure of my feelings for his. EWWW Oh, and I got my car- Rowey
June- I was transferred to The Justice Complex. I was there the whole month, which was cool, but everyone else who went there was promoted. I didn't. I went out with Kamran and caused
July- Family reunion, awesomeness. Moved back to Jersey St.
August- Second Seven Shades retreat, was cool, Drove all the way to Pittsburgh area myself. The kids helped me not. lol
September- Started school again, part time, much to the disgust of Kamran. Ramadan came and I hung out at Kamran's job and stuff. We had dinner. I invited him over once. Gross.
October- Moved back to the justice complex. Decided that Eww, Kam is icky and will never be my guy. THank GOD for that. I also took my LSATs. I didn't do as well as I would have liked, I got a 141. InshaAllah, I will do better when I take it again in February.
November- I turned 26. Still single, but not that upset about it. I decided that I need to focus on myself and getting into Law school. That's right, I wanna go there. And who knows, maybe My OTL is there. Oh right, I did give a guy my number, but he never called me. Stupid hater bitch cockblockin...
December- Um, let's see. This month went by fast. I made some decisions with my life. Started the applications for law school. Decided that I will not resolve to find a man in 2009- I'm getting ahead of myself, lol. I did go through the whole I hate my job phase. I mean, I work with foreclosures. It was depressing. Gee.
Now, on to 2009. InshaAllah, I want to do some things. I wanna start law school in the Fall. Please pray for me yall.
I also want to possibly meet a nice man. Hear me out. I don't wanna get married. I just wanna meet people. I think with me being on the Seven Shades board will help. InshaAllah.
I wanna be healthy. I usually say I wanna lose weight and I end up gaining. So I just wanna be healthy. If that means I drop some pounds, so be it.
I need to reevaluate my friends. Some of them I will have a long time, others need to go. I'm a different person than I was at 21, ya know?
Now, that wasn't so hard. But I need to give 2008 a number... I think it gets a 5. I mean, it wasn't the best year but it wasn't the worst.
And one more thing. I hope to write more confessions. I mean dag, I must have done like 5 this year. Sorry yall.
I hope to confess again...

Somewhar apologetic confession

OKay, so I said some mean things before. I am sorry. I thought about deleting the post, but then I realized that this is who I am. I say mean things and regret it. If I always did that, things wouldnt be real. This blog is the real me. So I wanna say sorry and that I didn't mean those evil mean things. If people ask, of course it will go, but for now, it is staying.
Me and Kamran made up, and I even met his mom!
that's all for another confession though...

Jealous confession

Okay, so again it has been a while since I lastblogged. What? can't a girl be busy?
So like, I have survived countless arguments with KAmran, we go out a lot, but nothing too serious. We hang out with my sisters or at his job. Thing is, he is always talkin about this girl we know. He likes her, but she married some african dude. whatever, I dont care, but why does he always have to like, talk about her? Oh she has a nice smile and she is so fuckin sweet, bullshit. But the thing that pissed me the fuck off was when he said he was attracted to the bitch. its like WHAT? dumb fucker. I mean, why the hell would you tell me this, and yet I am in your eyes a turd or some ugly beast? Ive been irked all day and yes I snapped at him. I dont care if you are friends on facebook. In fact, I think I shall delete them both.
Am I a jealous person? hell yeah. I mean, why shouldnt I be? everybody around me has someone, is fuckin happy while I am alone and miserable. I probably shouldnt be jealous of the bitch, but you better believe I am and I am not ashamed to admit it. She is fuckin married and yet she is STILL getting his attention. I am single, and not that bad and he ignors me. It is just flat out wrong. He claims I never told him how I felt about it. Which is bullshit because I totally told him not to talk about her to me. He just never listens.
Now, he is not talking to me, and while I am willing to talk to him, I am not going to apologize anymore than I have. I feel he did me wrong, i cried about this shit. I mean, if he REALLY was my friend and REALLY cared about me, he would understand my situation. This is a bitch who he fuckin liked, drempt of fuckin or some shit, why the hell should I be exposed to him constantly talking about her?
I know her too, she isnt all that. She got some fucked up shit goin on, marryin some african illegal or something. so like, if he likes the bitch, why doesnt he fuckin go to her?
Here is why (GOD, this is so wrong, especially after all this cussin I been doin)
Kamran and I are buddies. After today, he claims this is why we are not friends. I say bull, because if he was really a man, he wouldnt talk about stuff like that

Ok OK, the reason.

Kamran and I have based this relationship we have on our love for Allah (see why this is so bad!)
We try to encourage each other to be better people. This is great. only HE is trying to drive me crazy. Acting like I need WAY more help than him. I mean, come ON shelly! I know I have my faults, but admitting your problem is the first step in beating your issues. He claims to be perfect, but everyone knows the "perfect" ones are the ones with the most issues. CASE IN POINT.
ok ok until I confess again...

confession of congrats?

Greetings all. I am so kinda depressed. And to think, my best friend is in a different country. Though, I talked to her, and she is sad too.
See, Abby's sister Halima got married today. And as usual, I am the unofficial bridesmaid. Maid of honor if you will. I took her everywhere she needed to go before the wedding, just like I did for my friend last year. It is weird. I do all of this, and I am happy to do it, but deep down inside, I am so jealous. I wish it was me, you know? And of course, me being older than everyone makes it even worse. When will my time come? Who is out there for me? Why must I wait and become an old maid, you know?
In other news, I survived a tiff with Kamran. He was mad that I asked him if he was gay. Sometimes, that boy irks me, even though I have those feelings. It is so weird. He said he needed time, but well, he and I made up. Sometimes, we are like a married couple, which sucks big time because he is a good guy, a nice friend, and dammit, if I am gonna have a "husband" I better be sleepin with him.
Okay, enough of my bellyachin. I'm out. need to rest.
Until next time...

Disgusted confession

Greeting peoples. I am so mad right now. Everytime I try and do something potentially good, things blow up in my face. this is why I never did anything. I am so mad.
See, I have been involved in this group- three trees for about 6 months. I finally decide to get the Jersey chapter up and running and it seemed to start off well. I has people interested and whatnot. Well, today was supposed to be the first official meeting but everyone cancelled. I am so hurt and disgusted. And to think, I stayed up all night worrying myself sick. Oh well
In other news, I think I am in love with Kamran. Yes, I said it. I can finally admit it to myself, but not to him. That would totally ruin our amazing friendship. Still, he is everything I ever wanted, only I never realized it. We can talk for hours and it doesn't get weird. he sings to me, and listens to my problems. I can tell from his eyes that he actually cares about me, even if it is a only a friend. I have never felt accepted from a guy before. not like this. I can call him when I have a problem and he answers it for me. but alas, he isn't interested in me. in fact, on a daily basis he tells me he is like my brother and me and him together is gross. I play it off like I too think its icky, but t kinda hurts. Yesterday, I asked his favorite song (its some r kelly song I never heard of) When I told him mine was Always and forever, he started singing it to me. It was hella sweet, but like a 12 year old, I said eww and that was gross. That wasn't the first time he sang to me. every once in awhile, he's sing something. It's the sweetest thing. I sometimes like to think of him as my boyfriend, but i know he isn't. *sigh*
Well, I am going back to bed,
Until I confess some more...