hurt confession

Okay, there is something seriously wrong with me. I think I really am crazy. See, I have been crying all day, but I been hiding it with the fact that I was reading microfilm, and I pretended that the glare was hurting my eyes. A lie, yes, but who gives? I hate life. THere, I said it. Next week, I am going to my friends' graduation, and we're gonna hang out that weekend, but I don't feel up to hanging out, and being happy. I am too shy, every day like a gazillion times, a total hotty comes and gets water from the water cooler next to my desk. Three weeks I been working at that place and I haven't even said hi to him. I stare at him like an obsessed 12 year old, and I even go so far as to do the stare, look away thing. Jebus! I am such an idiot. I wish I could crawl under a rock and die or something. This by the way has absolutely nothing to do with a certain text I sent out, then, I was feeling goofy. *sigh*. I am forced to admit my big confession (well, one of the bajillion). My biggest fear is that I will wind up lonely. No big secret there, but I am a very overly sensitive person, and I don't deal with rejection well. THat would be ANY kind of rejection. If someone tells me to move, I cry. Look at me wrong, I will drop a tear. and the worst kind of rejection? Being ignored. It pains me to think that the reason people ignor me is because they don't like me. It could be that they don't notice me or something like that, but in my head they thing I am a fat ass bitch who needs to die. Sad, indeed, true, Hells ya. I don't know when I got like this. When I was younger, I was outgoing. I had loads of friends, guys included. Hell, I even had a boyfriend at one time. ( I was 5 shut up). I have always been popular, then I move to the suburban ghetto and become this weirdo. This crap is painful. I need to go take my pain and get rid of it. Will confess more soon, I hope...