confession of depression

Well, Finals are over, I am finally free. I have washed my hair, cleaned my room, washed my clothes, and I am feeling horrible. I am so depressed. I want to cry! I mean, sure, I can cry every night, which I do without fail, but these days it doesn't seem to be enough. I want something more. I just don't know what. Actually, I think I do know, I just don't want to admit it, not just yet. Oh hell, why not admit it. I am lonely! I'm 22, and still living at home. I am sick and tired of my friends trying to fix me up, I am tired of people younger than me getting married telling me "don't worry, you'll get married soon" I am sick to death of my dumb as ever sisters telling me they'll be married with kids before me! I mean, whatever did I do to deserve a life like this? I am loyal, right? All my life I stood by and watched as my friends got married and had relationships, and I never had one, got proposed to, it SUCKS! totally. I am fed up with it. I try telling my parents, but they think I am joking and crap, they don't care, they only care about their dumb kids. If only there was a way for me to find someone on my own and marry him, but let's keep it real for a sec, who in their right mind would wanna marry me? I am SO not marriage material, which is why I am 22 and still at home, even my dumb ex didn't want me in the end, which is like, what the HELL? he was a total RETARD and he knew I was damaged goods or something. This is such bull. I hate my life. I wish I could drop off the face of the earth, but that ain't happening anytime soon. I better just pop a few pills and call it a night, Shizoids! I can't pop anything, I gotta go out! dammit! I HATE feeling like this, first thing Monday morning, I am calling a Shrink, I am tired of this, I need help, I am tired of being ignored. I have to make a decision. I need to find someone, at least a decent male friend, which I have none of, hell, I think at this point in my life I would be willing to accept the companionship of a gay guy, that's how depressed I am feeling right now. I seriously don't know what is the cause of this here wave of depression. I'm gonna go eat some ice cream or something.